Fool me not.. [3] hurting inside

“Alexis!” sigaw ni kuya Aldrin na naka long sleeves na polo at may hawak na overcoat. Papasok na din siguro sa work.
“What?” nagmadali na akong pumasok sa likod ng color black na mazda 3, sabay bukas ng bintana. “Malelate na ako, kuya!”
“I wanna remind you about  the guy who is going to be here later.. wag mong sungitan!”
“I’ll try.” tsk. Puro lalaki na nga kasama ko dito, magdadagdag pa ng isa.
“Don’t try. DO IT. or else I’ll cut your allowance.”




“Oh, you won’t because you can’t..” pang-iinis ko.. si daddy kaya ang naglalagay sa atm ko. Asa siya ah.
“Who told you that I can’t? Panganay ata ako. At kay dad mismo nanggaling yun. So behave. If you don’t believe me, you can call our dear father.” nagbelat ba naman saka sumakay sa sarili niyang sasakyan.
Whatever.. grrr. kainis!
“MANONG! BILIS!” sinigawan ko na yung driver naming.
“Yes, mam!” tawa naman si manong at pinaharurot yung kotse.
Yung 40 minutes na biyahe naging 20 minutes lang.
“Thanks Mang Rene!” bumaba ako kaagad, pumasok sa gate at tumakbo papunta sa gymnasium. Dito ginaganap ang programs e. Naku, nagsasalita na yung coordinator. Aabot pa ba ako? TSK.
Nag-aabang yung moderator namin sa labas at nilapitan ako kaagad nang makita ako.
“Alexis! sa dinami-dami ng araw na pwede kang malate, ngayon pa!” she’s mad.. Sinundan ko siya sa loob ng gymasium.
“Sorry, Ms. Monge.”
“Ready na ba ang speech mo?” she asked.
“What speech?” nagulat ako.
“Don’t tell me, you forgot…” she looked at me. I have no Idea what she’s talking about. “My God!” she shook his head as a sign of disappointment.
“..let’s give a round of applause for Ms. Alexis Guevarra and Mae Martirez, the founders of MusicArt Club!”
Palakpakan ang mga tao.
“Just say something inspiring.” bulong ni Ms. Monge.
Wala na akong magawa kung hindi ang umakyat sa stage. Para akong bangag. What the hell should I say? Buti na lang kasama ko si Mae sa stage.
“Uhm. Good Morning to Mr. Louie Reyes, our principal.. to our beloved teachers and of course, to all W____s.”
what the hell talaga! Inspiring? Ako nga hindi inspired tapos magsabi pa ako ng ikaka-inspire ng iba?
“..well, being one of the founders of MusicArt club, I’d like to congratulate my club members who became finalists for the TeenArt ’11 and just gave great honor to our school. Keep up the good work. Don’t be distracted. Uh, and of course, continue winning. Thank you.”
Palakpakan naman sila.. pero yung mukha nung principal namin, hindi maipinta. At nakita ko yung mga katabi niya, mukhang galing sa ibang school. Oh, damn! Yun ata ang magiging sponsor ng club namin! Sht. Bakit ko ba kasi kinalimutan?
“Alexis, this will be the last time that I’m gonna save your ass.” my bestfriend said as she tapped my shoulder. “Thanks,” i whispered. Umupo ako dun sa inuupuan ni Mae kanina. Mas magaling talagang magsalita si Mae sa akin. She’s a vocalist of a band. Sanay na siyang humarap sa maraming tao–scripted man o hindi ang sinasabi niya.
After a few minutes, natapos din siyang magsalita. I looked at the principal and the ‘sponsors’ whatever. Mukha namang masaya yung principal. Nagshake hands pa. PSH. Pwes ba, less than 3 years pa lang ang club namin, hindi pwedeng sa school manggaling ang fund? HAY! Kainis! Ayaw naman ni daddy o nina kuya na maging sponsors hangga’t hindi ako nagbabago. Ano bang kailangan kong baguhin?
Pagkatapos ng program para sa mga nanalo sa iba’t-ibang contests, kinausap ako ni Ms. Monge.
“What is happening to you?” she asked. “Una, napunta ka sa guidance office dahil gumamit ka ng foul language. Pangalawa, hindi ka nagpasa ng painting na dapat ipe-present sa sponsors ngayon. Pangatlo, hindi ka sumali sa contest kasama ng mga bata.. you know, you had the chance to win, right? More than any other contestants,you had the chance to win the 1st prize! And now, you failed to speak.. you failed to represent the club you MADE.”
She won’t understand.. I’m damaged. I’m broken. And I can’t do anything about it now.. At kahit ako, hindi ko din masagot ang tanong ni Ms. Monge. Ano na nga ba ang nangyayari sa akin?
“Uh,I’m sorry, miss. Well, I..”
“I know I don’t have the right to know.. pero Alexis, wag sanang masayang tong club. Alam ko kung ano ang hirap niyo ni Mae para maging official to.. Think about it, hija.. Hindi kakayanin ni Mae kung laging siya lang ang gumagalaw.” mas mahinahon na ang boses niya ngayon.. I can feel that she’s just concerned with Mae and I..then umalis siya. Dumating naman si Mae.
“I’m sorry.”, is all I could say.
“I understand.” she replied and gave me a bottle of water. “..I know you need more time to heal but don’t let that wound ruin everything you worked for. It’s not worth it, lex.”
…….
“Kuya, I wanna rest. I’m exhausted.. PROMISE!” angal ko kay kuya Allan. Pinapagstay niya kasi ako sa living room. Gusto ko nang maligo at matulog.
“30 minutes,”
“Bakit ba kailangan ko pang makilala yung lalaking yun! Magiging boyfriend ko ba yun? Magiging fixed na ba ang marriage ko?” I asked bluntly.
“Baliw ka ba?” tumawa siya. “..para lang mamukhaan mo. Mamaya, makita mong naglalakad dyan sa garden, bigla mong hagisan ng kung ano.”
“Eh kung mukha namang kahina-hinala, bakit hindi?”
“Lahat naman ng lalaki, kahina-hinala para sa’yo.”
“Whatever. Bat ba ang tagal? Pa-importante siya ah!” umpisa pa lang, bad shot na sa akin.
“Nag-aaral din kasi yun, schoolmate mo siya. Ay, nga pala, anak ni Mang Rene yun. MAgwowork siya dito sa atin para may pangtuition siya. At kapag nakakuha siya ng license, papalitan niya ang tatay niya sa pagiging driver.. You know, Mang Rene is already old. Nirarayuma na yun.”
“NOOOO! I want Mang Rene! Siya lang ang nakakatagal sa akin!” sigaw ko na parang bata.
“YEAH, siya lang ang may tyaga sayo. After mong maheartbroken, nagresign yung dati nating driver, then lahat ng pinapadala ng agency, wala pang isang linggo, nagreresign na! Ikaw ang abnormal e.” pang-iinis pa niya.
Magrereact pa sana ako kaso biglang dumating si Manang, may lalaki sa likod niya. Napansin kong nakauniform siya ng kagaya ng mga lalaki sa school ko. Malamang, schoolmate ko nga di’ba?
“Ma’am, Ser, ito na po yung anak ni Rene.” tapos umalis na si Manang..
“Good afternoon po, pasensya po dahil nalate ako.”
Teka, eh classmate ko tong lalaking to ah! Si Ralph.. ngayong taon ko lang siya naging kaklase. As far as I know, he was the 1st honor of the regular section last school year. And for sure, kasama siya sa top 25 ng boys sa buong year level. Kung hindi, hindi siya maaakyat sa section namin which is the pilot section.. star section.. top section.. whatever.
“Oh, Ralph.. ayos lang yun. Upo ka muna.”
Umupo naman siya sa sofa na katapat namin ni Kuya..
“She is Alexis, ang bunso ng pamilya.”
Sabi ng mga kaklase ko, hindi daw sila makapaniwala na makakapasok si Ralph sa section namin. I really had no idea why but they said he’s a happy-go-lucky guy. Hindi nga daw pala-aral, parang isa sa mga patapon sa buhay.
I looked at him. Nothing special, really. And I’m not interested to know if I’m wrong.
“We’re classmates. Hindi na kailangan pa ng introduction.” I snapped. Tatayo na sana ako kaso hinawakan ni kuya Allan ang kamay ko.
“Well, I have to explain some other things.” Kuya looked at me then released my hand. Umupo ako uli. “Ralph will be living with us. He’d stay with his dad sa dating maid’s quarter.”
“Akala ko schoolmates lang kayo, classmates pala.. which is better…kasi sabay na kayo everyday sa pagpasok at pag-uwi.”
“WHAT?!” I almost screamed.
“..also, pwede siyang magstay dito sa loob ng bahay pero… hanggang first floor lang. Off-limits siya sa 2nd floor. Kama at C.R lang ang meron sa tinutuluyan ni Mang Rene, hindi siya makakapag-aral nang maayos dun.”
“Good, might as well, let him use the pool any time of the day.” sarcastic ang pagkakasabi ko.
“Hindi ako marunong lumangoy.” Ralph laughed a little.. It’s not like he didn’t get my sarcasm… I raised my eyebrow.. Nang-iinis siya.
“..and last but not the least,” kuya added. “..may karapatan siyang isumbong ang mga kalokohan mo..” kuya looked at Ralph then to me.
“..yun ay kung mahuhuli niya ako.” tiningnan ko si Ralph… yung tingin na don’t-you-dare-mess-around-with-me.. He just smiled then said something that really made me hate him..
“..yun ay kung makakagawa pa siya ng kalokohan ngayong nandito na ako.”
…..
Should I thank God it’s Friday? Ang daming nakakainis na nangyari sa akin ngayon. HAY.
Crap.. that guy… GRRRR. Kainis. Who is he to talk like that?
“..tingnan lang natin.” I said to myself as I went out of the house. I can’t use my car right now because it might wake that ‘guy’ up. Mahuli at masumbong pa ako. I wanna go out and drink.. and probably have some ‘fun’, too. I know, I know.. that for a girl to go out ALONE in the middle of the night is a very bad and dangerous idea.. But this is what I want,right? For my life to be in danger? I’m not suicidal, okay? Naisip ko lang, kung sakaling mapahamak ako, baka makatulong to sa akin para ma-appreciate ko uli ang buhay na meron ako.
Where should I go?
OH! Naalala ko, may party ang kuya ni Ann sa bahay nila ngayon.. So I texted her that I’m on my way na. After 40 minutes, I arrived. Bukas kasi ang gate at madaming tao sa labas. Mukhang college students lahat. Ang lakas pa ng music. Well, i think it’s okay because malayo naman ang mga kapitbahay nila. Dumeretso ako sa loob ng bahay para hanapin ang friend at ex-classmate ko. She was kicked out of the school last year. I don’t know why. Sayang siya, she was a good student.. an achiever,actually.. I wonder what happened to her. Now I know what Ms. Monge feels.
Then someone tapped my shoulder. I looked back to see it was Ann. She’s saying something but I couldn’t hear it. Ang lakas ng music. Then she offered me a bottle of beer. I hesitated at first but took it anyway.. Pinakilala niya ako sa mga kaibigan niya at ng kuya niya. Most of their friends are guy. Pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili ko na sungitan sila. So, kwentuhan.. inom.. di na lang din beer ang iniinom namin. vodka? I don’t know since di naman talaga ako palainom. Hmm.  I enjoyed talking with them.. I didn’t notice that I’m kinda drunk already until I tried to get up to go the comfort room. I can still walk…pero hindi na sobrang straight. Kailangan dahan-dahan lang.
Inalalayan ako ng lalaking ang pangalan ay Mark. He’s cute..oh no, he’s more than that.. I think I wanna kiss him. Epekto ba tong ng mga ininom kanina? PSH. I guess, I need to go home before I do something stupid.
“..last one.” Anna requested. I agreed. After that one shot, Mark kissed me.. Naririnig ko ang kantsawan ng grupo ng mga kaibigan ni kuya Mik (Anna’s brother). Nagulat ako pero hindi ko naman siya pinigilan. I started to kiss him back. I thought it would just be a short kiss but it eventually turned into a french kiss. I feel so hot. Damn. He’s a good kisser.. I was really enjoying it.. I felt his hand on the left side of my down to my neck then to my breast. Kissing a stranger..in front of people you barely know..while drunk.. this isn’t dangerous.. this is humiliating.
I pushed Mark off of me but he grabbed my hands and kissed my neck. I’m too dizzy to do something aside from saying ‘stop’ and trying to kick this guy beside me. And I bet, the others are busy doing their ‘own’ stuffs.
I think I’m gonna cry until Mark stopped.. no.. the whole world stopped.. the music was gone.. I looked around to see a crowd forming in front of me? I closed my eyes. Ang sakit sa ulo. parang umiikot paningin ko.
“Ano ba? tang-ina naman pare!” it was Mark. “Mik! Paalisin mo nga tong kumag na to!”
“Hoy, putang-ina mo, umalis ka nga dito, nakikisawsaw ka na nga lang..”
BOG! BOG!
parang may nagsapakan, tapos nagkagulo na..
“KUYAAA MIK!” si Ann yun. “..he’s a friend of mine! Let him go!” she screamed. and that made my head pound. Then, mukhang may nasapak na naman..
“RALPH!” Ann shouted. Nagulat ako.. at nagising sa pangalang yun.. COuld it be? I slowly opened my eyes to see him half kneeling not far away from me. Nakahawak siya sa mukha niya. Why is he here?! Did Ann invite him over?
Ralph slowly stood up then quickly punched Mark.. Gaganti pa sana si Mark, kaso hinarang ni Ann ang katawan niya. Inawat tuloy ni Kuya Mik yung kaibigan niya.
“..get out of here.. bago ka pa mapatay.” that is what I heard from Ann.
Without saying anything, pinuntahan ako ni Ralph. He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the house.. He opened the door of a car then pushed me inside.
“OUCH!” I yelled. “..dahan-dahanin mo naman.. my head hurts.”
“..my head hurts.” he mimicked me as he begun to start the engine. “..buti nga yan lang masakit sa’yo.. eh ako, katawan, mukha at saka…”
“..at saka ano!?”
“PSH.. not the right time for you to know.” I don’t know if I heard him right.. I can’t concentrate.
“Whatever.. just bring me home.” utos ko.
He didn’t say anything hanggang sa nakauwi kami.. Nagising ako nung huminto ang sasakyan..
“Wala man lang thank you.. tsk. ” he’s mad.
“Why would I say that?”
“..dahil niligtas kita..”
“..niligtas saan?” may pagmamalaki ang tono ng boses ko. “..they’re nice people until you came and punched Mark in the face.”
“..Ah ganun, sana sinabi mo kaagad.. na gusto mong magpatira dun sa hilaw na fil-am na yun.”
Magpatira? Grabe naman tong magsalita… what the hell?
“..bawiin mo ang sinabi mo?! You stupid! Wala kang kwenta! I hate you! I hate you so much!”
Hindi siya nagsalita.. Then I started crying..
“..you know that? I really hate you!” i know I’m cursing Ralph but I’m thinking about Gerald.. “..how dare you do this to me!”
“Pumasok ka na sa loob.” he said coldly.. pinatay na ang makina ng kotse. Hindi ko siya pinansin.
“..i trusted you.. i did. pero ginawa mo akong tanga!”
“Bahala ka nga dyan.” he went out of the car and closed the door so hard. It made me jump.. Mas umiyak ako.. And now I’m alone.. again.. The feeling of loneliness is killing me. Ang dilim pa..
Then may pumasok sa kotse..sa left side ko.. it’s him.. Ralph.
“Tara na kasi!” naiinis ang tono ng boses niya. “..may pasok pa ako mamayang alas syete.. Alas tres na oh!”
I stopped crying but glared at him..
“Get out!” i shouted.. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko para sana palabasin ako. “Wag mo akong hawakan!” sinampal ko ang kamay niya.
“Fine.. ano gusto mo? Ibalik kita? Ibalik kita kila Ann? Gusto mong pabayaan kitang pagsawaan ni Mark doon!? Yun ba ang gusto mo?!” he shouted back. Parang sumabog na siya nung time na yun. I couldn’t understand, why is he mad?
“How dare you say that to me!” hinampas-hampas ko siya.. “Bwiset ka.. bakit ka pa napunta dito! I won’t forgive you. never.”
Napagod na ako sa kakahampas sa kanya pero nakahawak pa din ako sa damit niya.. nakayuko.. at umiiyak pa din..
“Minahal kita..sobra..” hinihila ko yung damit ni Ralph.. parang mapupunit ko na nga. “..pero bakit mo ako pinaglaruan?”
——
sorry, non-sexual pa din.. hahay. mahirap kasi pag minadali.. pagpasensyahan na.. haha.. nytnyt.
—
~r